Saturday, April 16, 2011


It's been a long time coming, but we finally made a "non-horror" preview for Lost Trailer Park. It's still exploitative and silly... but there aren't any corpses to be found!

Nope. This time it's not blood... it's blasphemy. Just in time for 4/20... it's...



Jimmy pitched the idea of an undecover DEA agent having to stop a pot dealing priest with the title, "Holy Smokes". I liked the cut of his gib, but thought it could be more lighthearted and pitched a straight comedy rather than an action comedy.

So, with that in mind, we watched "Kindergarden Cop", "Sister Act", "We're No Angels", and a few other lighthearted fish-out-of-water spots. It was fate.


I don't think a Lost Trailer Park has generated this many funny stories. One of the best was bringing the 2 foot plant into my folk's house and my Dad sees me... totally dumfounded.

We got to make fake drugs. The faux-buds were styrofoam bits doused in hot glue and covered in oregano. The joints were as well.

We didn't get permission to shoot the church exteriors. We just showed up with a half-dozen protestors. The interiors were shot at a small church in Baltimore that is rented out by a local anarchist collective (fate indeed).

Jimmy had purchased nun costumes for another gag. I believe the burnout priest says, "Don't worry! It's not habit-forming" (an idea by protestor extra, Jimmy Chrismer)... but we couldn' t find any girls that could do two days in a row.

Casting things is a tough based on the quick schedule/turnarounds... but we were lucky to use a bunch of regulars.

George Stover, Michael Brecher, Ryan Thomas, Josh Davidson (who provided his own glasses), and Sabrina Taylor-Smith all pop up in our new feature, "Witch's Brew". We were honored to have Paul Sieber join us for this one and especially stoked to have my mom play the pot-brownie-eating parishioner.

For the record (and for all potential employers reading this), we're not stoners. I swear! I'll pee in your cup any day of the week! (your drug test cup... not your coffee).

So there you have it... and on a kind of bummer note...

Lost Trailer Park will be taking a 3 month hiatus. We'll be back in August... but LTP has taken time away from finishing "Witch's Brew" and it's time to get into gear on finishing it up. It's been fun. Consider this the finale to Season One... let's just say I wanted to go out on a "high" note.

- Chris

Head Priest... Paul Sieber
Sad Priest... George Stover
Burnout Priest... Michael Brecher
Reverend... Josh Davidson
Detective... Ryan Thomas
Confession Girl... Sabrina Taylor-Smith
Protestors... Jimmy George, Jimmy Chrismer, Al Wright, and Joe Kilroy

Directed and Edited by Chris LaMartina
Written & Produced by Jimmy George and Chris LaMartina
Voice-Over by Andrew Shearer

Thursday, March 17, 2011


Doing Lost Trailer Park is like being in a really bad, quasi-abusive relationship...

Every time I say, "Nah... I think it's done..."... I want a quick fix of gore and sleaze... and I end up doing another one.

I didn't have to even think up this month's concept. Jimmy George (my cinematic better half) sent me a pdf of the 3 page screenplay a few weeks back and said... "Game on..."... yep, folks... it's that time of year... it's time for...


Well, to be totally honest... I had nothing to do with the initial concept so I can't spout off about that, but I can tell you my big influences were. 1. John Russo's The Majorettes (or "One by One" if you prefer) and 2. "Teen Wolf" (i'm totally kidding).

We just love tacky slasher movies with cheesy masks and Jimmy took every bad basketball pun he could find. It was meant to be.


Jimmy sent me the script and my first thought was, "how the fuck are we going to get a basketball court". We posted on fbook and luckily, my friend Allyson came through with a gym she used to work at.

Jimmy bought a bunch of basketball jerseys. We kept the tags on and returned 5 of 7 afterward! (Two had blood/holes) Thanks, Forman Mills!

We had a fantastic cast. Jimmy's wife, Jill screams her lungs off as the cheerleader. LTP regulars Pat Storck and George Stover yuck in up as a ref and coroner. Some stars of "Witch's Brew" (my in progress feature), Gary-Kayi Fletcher and Charlie Dreizen show their silly side. Dominique Spencer (who loses his hand) stars with Charlie in my friend/sound guy for "Witch's Brew", John Boushell's feature vampire film, "Fang". Alfred Guy (the cop) also stars (with New Years Exection's star, Brian St. August) in the action show, "The Fixer".

As usual, we had a blast doing it, it always feels like a family reunion. Nato (my gaffer on "Witch's Brew" and all around great dude) helped and gets to be one of the "GO TEAM" corpses. John Laveck, one of my three FX team members on "Witch's Brew", even did some fx for us. When they're good, they're his. When they're bad, it's my craftsmanship (or lack there of).

We shot the outside court scenes at two separate elementary schools. Both times, we left the severed body parts there... hoping it will scar some kid for life.

So... there it is, folks. "March Madness". Thanks to all involved... especially Andrew Shearer's redneck cousin who recorded an outtake of the vo. ; p

Star Player... Gary-Kayi Fletcher
Cheerleader... Jill George
Ref... Patrick Storck
Coach... Andy Vineberg
Foam hand fan... Dominique Spencer
"Fan" fan... Charlie Dreizen
Killer... Jimmy George
Additional Players/Fans.. Dan Sweeney, Pat Bray, Chris Riehl, Chris Laun, Allyson Washington, and Nate Spivey

Directed and Edited by Chris LaMartina
Written by Jimmy George
Produced by Jimmy George and Chris LaMartina
Special FX by John Laveck and Chris LaMartina
Additional Sound Recording by Mike Walls
Voice-Over by Andrew Shearer

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


They say you can never go home...

That's bullshit. Because I've never felt more at home as I did when I decided to make a faux trailer sequel to my very real feature, "President's Day".

So, I rallied the troops. Jimmy George, my cinematic better-half and I figured out where to take the story and Jimmy turned in a draft of the 2 page script... within a few weeks, it was finished.

Ladies and germs... I proudly present...


The original "President's Day" feature, which is slated for release later this year, was heavily influenced by the "Sleepaway Camp" sequels, "Memorial Valley Massacre", "Return to Horror High", and other campy/sleazy 80s slashers.

With that in mind, not much changed influence wise. We tried to scrape our brains for any more patriotic/political horror jabs and we managed to score a few more groan-worthy giggles.

Ever since I started LTP, I knew February have to be saved for a faux "President's Day 2" teaser. Jimmy George and I had ideas for a full length sequel ever since we wrote part one, but in all sincerity, it is very rarely a microbudget horror flick garners the success that warrants a sequel.

So, the trailer was good enough. We looked over the list of what we could do and organized a few quick shoots. My friend, Clint Kelly DPed for us and we got to use the same type of rig that we did on part one (except for the first 3 shots I did myself). Clint is a filmmaker in his own right. He's currently working on his first feature, Generation Z. He is truly a friend of sickening cinema.

We shot the film (without permission) at Towson University (my alma matter) and UMBC here in Baltimore. As per usual, we got some dirty looks, but mostly giggles. There's something about maniacs dressed as presidents that warms the heart.

We shot the Toga party scenes at Jimmy's new house and man, was it fun. Never thought I would get to put a classic frat staple in one of my flicks. Good stuff, indeed.

So there you have it. I'd be shocked if we ever got to make a "President's Day 2" feature... but if the opportunity arose... I would welcome it with open arms... and I'd cast Andrew Shearer as the Campus Radio DJ. ;p

Happy President's Day, vidiots.

Joanna Bolen.... Lizzy Denning
Sign Death... Kyle Watson
Merv Perkins (Newscaster)... Matthew Bowerman
Rake Death... Mark Sanders
Vote or Die... Nathan Meyer
Frat Paddle Recipient... John Boushall
Frat Paddle Death... Matt Leibensperger
Detective Kurtz... Paul Fahrenkopf

Directed & Edited by Chris LaMartina
Written & Produced by Jimmy George and Chris LaMartina
Cinematography by Clint Kelly
Special FX and Score by Chris LaMartina
Voice-Over by Andrew Shearer

Friday, December 31, 2010


Happy New Year, my fellow Vidiots...

2010 was a pretty ridiculous/horrible/fantastic year. I started Lost Trailer Park, shot another feature ("Witch's Brew"), lost my middle-class income job with the government, moved home, and played a ton of film festivals for my last feature, "President's Day".

My new years resolution? None of your fucking business!

Because if I break it... you might have to call in a NEW YEARS EXECUTION...

To my knowledge, there is "New Years Evil" and "Bloody New Year" when it comes to New Years horror flicks. I've seen 20 minutes of the former... and man, was it borrrrrrrrring. So, not much influencer here... perhaps, there is some "Bloody Pit of Horror" when it comes to our crazed executioner... but besides the traditional 80s slasher POV shots and some 70s style wide angle push-ins... "New Years Executions" is it's own campy/goofy beast.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do for the January LTP and I felt like a slasher for "Martin Luther King Jr. Day" could only end horribly... so when Jill (my often cowriter/coproducer Jimmy George's wife) suggested a maniac who murders those who break their resolutions... I knew we struck gold (or atleast imitiation plastic spraypainted gold)

So, I said if I came up with a good title... I'd do it. Well, I found a decent rhyme scheme and boom... it was born...

I assembled a goofy gaggle of actors and shot it in one day. Most were featured in "Witch's Brew". Jessy Danner, Brian St. August, Lucas Koch (my fx guy's son) all bite the dust in "Witch's Brew" and get mangled here too!

Shawn Jones (eat healthy guy) is one of the filmmakers behind "The Chainsaw Sally Show". Mark Leake (the smoker) was the other cinematic half of the "Isle of the Damned" team, and finally Nikc Miller (workout guy) has made a ton of great shorts.

Both Shawn and Brian St. August had to fill in as the executioner since we didn't have enough actors. Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen a New Years party as lame or as sparsely attended.

The first blips of footage (the quick shots of gore) are from previous Lost Trailer Parks. I didn't have enough gore shots for the preamble... so in true Roger Corman fashion, I borrowed from myself. Clips are from "Bite the Dust" and "Liburied".

Also, Shearer's fourth take of voice-over cuts was just poop jokes. Will anybody besides me ever hear them? Only time will tell.

I love you, Shearer.

Executioner... Shawn Jones & Brian St. August
Final Girl... Jessy Danner
Eat Better Guy... Shawn Jones
Workout Guy... Nikc Miller
Smoker... Mark Leake
Champaigne Kid... Lucas Koch

Written & Directed by Chris LaMartina
Special FX by Jason Koch and Kaleigh Brown
Voice-Over by Andrew Shearer

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Happy Holidays... (take that, religious right!)

Here is possibly the most ambitious... and yet, somehow... shittiest fx-wise installment of LTP. Watch it to enhance your depressing X-Mas season... because if greened screened santa claus and bad shark puppets can't get you in the mood for Egg Nog abuse... then, I don't know what can.

So here it is... the ridiculous...


I think my influences are obvious... at least I hope they are. Everyone loves a good "mockbuster"... and this is my goofy wink to some of the over-the-type dreck that SyFy has been rocking lately... with a dash of "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" thrown in for good measure! A killer Santa would have been too easy for the December LTP... so, here we have him as a good guy... and kicking some giant monster ass!

I wanted a Santa suit. Why? Because I'm weirdo... so I bought one... hellbent on coming up w/ a faux trailer idea. Then, we used it to dress me up as Santa for a Mondo Balitmore screening. I still might wear it for my niece and nephew... maybe not... it reeks of Natty Boh.

So, we got the costume. Ryan Thomas demanded to play Santa. I had to oblige him. Somehow, Ryan always ends up in the best costumes in my flicks. We got George Stover to Rod Steiger it up as the army commander. Patrick Storck mixes up Clint Howard and the gay dude from "Airplane" very well.

All of the major sequences were green-screened... to make it look extra-ridiculous. Plus tons of snow/flurries to hide some very sloppy chroma keying on my part.

The worst factor HAS to be the Megasharkosaurus itself. It was supposed to be completely CGI, but my friend who agreed to do it dropped the ball. So at 8pm last night, I drove to Michaels and a dollarstore called DEAL$... and I bought paint, some little dinosaurs, and rubber shark toys. Some dabs of hot glue sealed the deal and the shark shots were composited by midnight.

They're not great... but that's not what this is about... ;p

Also, no scratches/dust on this one. Decided (after some debate) that this is a modern spoof and deserves a different approach.

Two other notable tidbits! 1. When Andrew sent the VO, the final track was a hilarious deadpan deliver from a guy with a very thick foreign accent... Andrew informed me that he bought a car from this guy and the gentleman wanted to do one. It is brilliant/terrifying. 2. Some of the best lines were adlibs by Patrick Storck and Ryan Thomas. Just wanted to give credit where credit is due! "I've got your sack of goodies right here!"

Santa... Ryan Thomas
Commander... George Stover
Operator... Patrick Stork
Terrorized Citizens... Nikc Miller, Fred Teasley, Daniel Tayag, Kim Hoang, Mike LaMartina

Written, directed, and Edited by Chris LaMartina
Voice-Over by Andrew Shearer

Monday, November 22, 2010


Well, hello there... are you up to your neck in cooking and cleaning for Thursday's annual feast? Well, take a break and check out the November 2010 installment of Lost Trailer Park: Never Coming Attractions...


Okay. There really aren't that many grindhouse era Thanksgiving movies. The only one that comes to my mind is "Home Sweet Home" which features Jake (as in "Body by Jake") Seinfeld as a crazy roid-rage killer. I've watched the first five minutes of that flick atleast 30 times... and I've never ONCE finished the feature... but those first five minutes... hilarious.

So, if I had to gauge my influences. There were probably a few.. obviously, Eli Roth's faux "Thanksgiving" trailer. I mean, c'mon... it's near perfection. The recent killer turkey flick, "Thankskilling" should get a shout-out too (I met one of the actors in Ohio recently when "President's Day", my last feature, played a festival out there).

And finally, I would be remissed if I didn't give "Vault of Horror", the old Amicus anthology a nod. Vampires around a dinner table sipping on blood and eating raw meat? I tip my hat to you, "Midnight Mess".

I was seriously considering giving-up doing this things. We barely get views and it takes me away from the main focus right now (which is "Witch's Brew")... but after a flurry of people talking to me about how much they enjoyed them. I agreed to continue.

So, on the way back from Massachusetts, Jimmy George (my cinematic better-half - cowriter/coproducer on features) and I were brainstorming Thanksgiving spoofs. My first thought was a "Gremlins"/"Ghoulies" ripoff called "Gobble Gobble Goblins"... but that would have been a lot of work in no time. We had this conversation last week.

So, Jimmy suggested "Fangsgiving" and I was off. I scheduled a shoot with some of favorite regulars. George Stover has been in every major project of produced since 2008. Leanna Chamish appeared in "Grave Mistakes". Helenmary Ball (and her husband, Julian) and Jessy Danner appear in my latest "Witch's Brew". John Bennett and Patrick Storck are involved with Mondo Baltimore... a bad movie night we host at the WIndup Space in Baltimore city. And finally, Jason Koch and Kaleigh Brown came out to do some quick fx... Jason jokingly asked if they could use a pseudonym because it was so down-and-dirty fast. Yeah, I'm an asshole.

It felt like Thanksgiving. Collecting some of my favorite people and having some gory fun. We shot the whole thing in one night and it was edited in an afternoon. Andrew Shearer once again provided the fantastic voiceover. I forgot to put him in the credits at the end. So, he gets a special shout-out right here too. What up!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and I really hope you have a fantastic Thanksgiving.

Vampire Hunter... George Stover
Vampire #1... John Bennett
Vampire # 2... Helenmary Ball
Holy Water Vamp... Jessy Danner
Stake Vamp... Leanna Chamish
Vampire #3... Julian Ball
Muttenchops Vampire... Patrick Storck
Neckbrace Victim... Les Bradley

Written, directed, and edited by Chris LaMartina
Special FX by Jason Koch and Kaleigh Brown
Voice-Over by Andrew Shearer

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Happy Halloween. This is not a faux trailer...

Greetings, folks...

It's been a busy month. I've been syncing up audio for "Witch's Brew". I cut a teaser trailer and I produced a quick animation for my favorite holiday... Halloween.

So, sorry, gang... no faux trailer this month, but I think the main attraction here, "Trick or Tweet" is just as entertaining.

Check it out. Don't worry I'll be back to producing goofy grindhouse spots in no time. I just need to catch up with life for a minute.

And if you haven't gotten a chance to see it... this is the teaser trailer for my new flick, "Witch's Brew".

On that note... have a safe and happy Halloween.

- Chris