Friday, December 31, 2010


Happy New Year, my fellow Vidiots...

2010 was a pretty ridiculous/horrible/fantastic year. I started Lost Trailer Park, shot another feature ("Witch's Brew"), lost my middle-class income job with the government, moved home, and played a ton of film festivals for my last feature, "President's Day".

My new years resolution? None of your fucking business!

Because if I break it... you might have to call in a NEW YEARS EXECUTION...

To my knowledge, there is "New Years Evil" and "Bloody New Year" when it comes to New Years horror flicks. I've seen 20 minutes of the former... and man, was it borrrrrrrrring. So, not much influencer here... perhaps, there is some "Bloody Pit of Horror" when it comes to our crazed executioner... but besides the traditional 80s slasher POV shots and some 70s style wide angle push-ins... "New Years Executions" is it's own campy/goofy beast.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do for the January LTP and I felt like a slasher for "Martin Luther King Jr. Day" could only end horribly... so when Jill (my often cowriter/coproducer Jimmy George's wife) suggested a maniac who murders those who break their resolutions... I knew we struck gold (or atleast imitiation plastic spraypainted gold)

So, I said if I came up with a good title... I'd do it. Well, I found a decent rhyme scheme and boom... it was born...

I assembled a goofy gaggle of actors and shot it in one day. Most were featured in "Witch's Brew". Jessy Danner, Brian St. August, Lucas Koch (my fx guy's son) all bite the dust in "Witch's Brew" and get mangled here too!

Shawn Jones (eat healthy guy) is one of the filmmakers behind "The Chainsaw Sally Show". Mark Leake (the smoker) was the other cinematic half of the "Isle of the Damned" team, and finally Nikc Miller (workout guy) has made a ton of great shorts.

Both Shawn and Brian St. August had to fill in as the executioner since we didn't have enough actors. Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen a New Years party as lame or as sparsely attended.

The first blips of footage (the quick shots of gore) are from previous Lost Trailer Parks. I didn't have enough gore shots for the preamble... so in true Roger Corman fashion, I borrowed from myself. Clips are from "Bite the Dust" and "Liburied".

Also, Shearer's fourth take of voice-over cuts was just poop jokes. Will anybody besides me ever hear them? Only time will tell.

I love you, Shearer.

Executioner... Shawn Jones & Brian St. August
Final Girl... Jessy Danner
Eat Better Guy... Shawn Jones
Workout Guy... Nikc Miller
Smoker... Mark Leake
Champaigne Kid... Lucas Koch

Written & Directed by Chris LaMartina
Special FX by Jason Koch and Kaleigh Brown
Voice-Over by Andrew Shearer

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Happy Holidays... (take that, religious right!)

Here is possibly the most ambitious... and yet, somehow... shittiest fx-wise installment of LTP. Watch it to enhance your depressing X-Mas season... because if greened screened santa claus and bad shark puppets can't get you in the mood for Egg Nog abuse... then, I don't know what can.

So here it is... the ridiculous...


I think my influences are obvious... at least I hope they are. Everyone loves a good "mockbuster"... and this is my goofy wink to some of the over-the-type dreck that SyFy has been rocking lately... with a dash of "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" thrown in for good measure! A killer Santa would have been too easy for the December LTP... so, here we have him as a good guy... and kicking some giant monster ass!

I wanted a Santa suit. Why? Because I'm weirdo... so I bought one... hellbent on coming up w/ a faux trailer idea. Then, we used it to dress me up as Santa for a Mondo Balitmore screening. I still might wear it for my niece and nephew... maybe not... it reeks of Natty Boh.

So, we got the costume. Ryan Thomas demanded to play Santa. I had to oblige him. Somehow, Ryan always ends up in the best costumes in my flicks. We got George Stover to Rod Steiger it up as the army commander. Patrick Storck mixes up Clint Howard and the gay dude from "Airplane" very well.

All of the major sequences were green-screened... to make it look extra-ridiculous. Plus tons of snow/flurries to hide some very sloppy chroma keying on my part.

The worst factor HAS to be the Megasharkosaurus itself. It was supposed to be completely CGI, but my friend who agreed to do it dropped the ball. So at 8pm last night, I drove to Michaels and a dollarstore called DEAL$... and I bought paint, some little dinosaurs, and rubber shark toys. Some dabs of hot glue sealed the deal and the shark shots were composited by midnight.

They're not great... but that's not what this is about... ;p

Also, no scratches/dust on this one. Decided (after some debate) that this is a modern spoof and deserves a different approach.

Two other notable tidbits! 1. When Andrew sent the VO, the final track was a hilarious deadpan deliver from a guy with a very thick foreign accent... Andrew informed me that he bought a car from this guy and the gentleman wanted to do one. It is brilliant/terrifying. 2. Some of the best lines were adlibs by Patrick Storck and Ryan Thomas. Just wanted to give credit where credit is due! "I've got your sack of goodies right here!"

Santa... Ryan Thomas
Commander... George Stover
Operator... Patrick Stork
Terrorized Citizens... Nikc Miller, Fred Teasley, Daniel Tayag, Kim Hoang, Mike LaMartina

Written, directed, and Edited by Chris LaMartina
Voice-Over by Andrew Shearer